Outshining the pain

You are the first thing I think of in the morning because you are the thing that wakes me in the middle of the night. Pushing through that gap between dusk and dawn. Spotting a weakness in my armour, you steal your way in so I can always start my day thinking of you, rushingContinue reading “Outshining the pain”

The haunting

There she goes… The tightly-bound threads are loosening, unravelling. I’m unravelling. Little by little I’m making less sense of this disease and more sense of the scale of its destruction. I’m angry, sad and hurt. It hurts to look back and think of just how much it’s robbed from me, to watch my ghost laceContinue reading “The haunting”

Diary of a disabled bride

As you’ll know, I got married last July. We had an absolutely amazing day but during the months leading up to the wedding I really struggled. There was nothing out there for brides or grooms with disabilities, nowhere to turn to – and at times it became a very lonely road (see article I wroteContinue reading “Diary of a disabled bride”

Love is…

“15 days to go until you say I do – I bet you’re so excited!” Wedding to-do lists. Wedding magazines. Wedding forums . And then there’s me. Locked out of the wedding world. With a month to go I found myself on the floor, crying with pain that had constantly intensified over two weeks. TakingContinue reading “Love is…”

It’s okay to feel lost

  The words stick in my throat. I can’t find them. I don’t know how to let them escape. And yet if I don’t, they’ll drown me. Just because we don’t speak something, just because we lock it away and keep hoping, it doesn’t make the fear any less real, particularly when that fear isContinue reading “It’s okay to feel lost”

A bump in the road

The silence wraps itself around me a hundred times over. It’s suffocating. I lie still. So so still – not wanting to awaken the monster. My patience is wearing thin. I’m so tired of this. Tired of fighting it. Tired of living with it. Tired of always having to think about it.

The wait

The clock whirs slowly – so so slowly. Tick … tock …. tick! Silence. That long, drawn, aching silence. My mind rushes to fill that space. “You can’t escape me forever,” it whispers. My stomach flips. I’ve struggled to eat all day – the fear pulses through my body – ripping across it in whatContinue reading “The wait”